Utopia

Will you give me the freedom To face the cold alone Yet share your warmth When I reach out to you? When I return shivering Unable to say anything Will you be there for me And wrap yourself around? With my hair scattered And my vision blurred Bare feet on the ground Will you still hold me close? And will you do it Again and again... Like a towel after a winter bath?

Is that why you cry Little baby of mine When you wet the sheet Without meaning to? Is it the humiliation “What would others think” Is that why you still sit there Hiding what you can? Are you angry at yourself At the body you can’t control For staining the sheet yet again After deciding not to do so? I am sorry they scold you For what you don’t intend to do I know you would hurriedly  Wash the sheet if you could. The way I do. When I stain it with blood Just like that Without meaning to.

As if falling from the sky They had stopped midway And seized that moment too For onlookers to marvel Upon the chandelier above They glistened on the trees As the Sun shone across Swaying in the breeze Yet hanging on to each other Were they judging the fall? As if ending the moment Only to make way for another The bus rushed by  And they showered down  From their abode, gracefully. As they lay on the ground They came beneath hurried feet And mingled with the brown Only to adorn the Earth That had been awaiting the fall. I bent to collect some The ones that lay untouched To hold them in my fingers And preserve them in pages But they were too frail. Just like raindrops . Gracing the colour of joy They justified their name The flowers of the golden rain tree.

When your eyes seem to open more than usual When you can feel the air fill your lungs When your lips curve upwards And as your mind shifts to your smile It just widens further. And you let out a sigh  You amuse yourself Your legs cross over Your hands cover your mouth Holding on to the happiness you radiate. The most profound is the exhilarating heart You struggle to believe yet cherish This happiness which you discovered Lies within that heart which is celebrating This happiness you found on your own.

I stood up to answer what I would grow up to be “A repairman, ma’am, a repair girl , if you please” All the future doctors and engineers turned towards me “And what would you repair? ” was followed by glees. "I will practise my hugs, wear a smile just right And pack my briefcase with chocolates you see Milk, nuts and dark, to last until the night For all the broken souls and a few for me."

With large eyes and eyebrows raised I would gleam at him when I would say “The best of fairies becomes the queen And that’s what I shall grow up and be.” He would innocently look down in my eyes “Will you make me a fairy too?” I would kiss him on the cheek and say “Of course I’ll keep you in my court.” He was all ears for my world of dreams He believed in my fairytale fantasy He addressed me as the love fairy I was Even when I forgot the magic in me. When I explained branches embracing each other His hand would pull his little fairy closer My eyes lost in the fantasy story I had woven Would smile upon the love story we were in. My fairy wings don’t flutter anymore Dry branches don’t seem to tell a story The one person audience I had Isn’t interested in magic anymore. Only months ago, I had been a love fairy Now I sit with memories of a lost story I had never pondered upon a ‘break’ Yet its effect had left me broken.

I had smiled at the twins The beautiful children I had borne They had been covered in pink robes That matched their skin tone. My little twins had my eyes Yet they both saw the world differently My son loved the big fluffy monkey My daughter loved the kangaroo and her baby. Then came toys that weren’t living Toys with wheels, toys with lights Their strives to get to the best model  Led to some noisy, violent fights. At night, I would sit by their bedside And listen to stories of their developing acumen There would be pauses for my advice in some Where I would suggest them to do what is human. As my twins grew older They looked more different from each other My daughter’s body experienced changes That differed her from her brother. My daughter’s dresses fitted her curves perfectly My son’s broad shoulders lifted his blazer flawlessly. My daughter preferred to keep her eyebrows aligned My son preferred to keep a beard on his jawline. ...